Sandwiches

Browse our entire catalog of misfit sandwiches and subs that only exist on our menu because of legal blackmail and mentally insane and psychotic customers who have no grasp on reality or the concept of corporate branding.

Warning: Quinton's Co. is not responsible for any chronic conditions or bodily injuries that may result from consumption of sold food items. Order and consume at high risk with no caution and/or discretion, because we wouldn't make any money if you didn't. For a full list of health concerns, please consult our Corporate Health Policy for more details.

Chicken Sandwich

Chicken Sandwich

439 Cal.

Price: $31.99 each

Description: We were legally blackmailed by our board executives to add this food item to our menu, for all those people who show up to a burger restaurant and then order a chicken based product. It's borderline insanity. And that's saying something, especially coming from us.

Ingredients: Meat-Product: Beef, Pork, Chicken, Phosphoric Acid, Asbestos, Sodium Hypochlorite, Salt; Bread-Product: Enriched Bleached Wheat Flour, Yeast, Seseame Seed, High Fructose Corn Syrup, Heroin, Dextrose, Ascorbic Acid; Lettuce, Ketchup-Product: Tomato, Water, Tomato Puree, Cold Medicine, Ethylene Glycol, Corn Syrup, Vinnegar, Radon; Pickle, Tomato, +99 More.

Fish Sandwich

Fish Sandwich

764 Cal.

Price: $36.99 each

Description: A worthy alternative to our burgers (or not). All of our fish products are farm raised in plastic kiddie pools, which are always overcrowded and unsanitary (which is literally off the charts). In addition, all farm-raised fish are always on the max amount of fully toxic pro-biotics and pro-viral compounds, so you'll always contract severe food posioning after consuming, every single time.

Ingredients: Rotten Farm-Grown Flounder, Bread-Product: Enriched Bleached Wheat Flour, Yeast, Seseame Seed, High Fructose Corn Syrup, Heroin, Dextrose, Ascorbic Acid; Cyanide, Lettuce, Sodium Stearoyl Lactylate, Calcium Propionate, Mayonaise-Product: Rotten Egg, Paint Primer, Bleach, Vinegar, Cocaine; Salt, +99 More.

Rick Roll

Rick Roll

1987 Cal.

Price: $3.33 each

Description: A good-looking but terrible-tasting sub sandwich with ultra-processed meat, bread, and genetically engineered vegetables that definitely has no correlation whatsoever with any famous, British pop singers with four letter first names and sick dance moves. After all, we're no strangers when it comes to offering off-brand food items on our menu. We both don't know the rules, because they don't exist when it comes to fast food. This sub is a perfect example, as we're offering a full commitment to always providing terrible, low-quality, and ultra-processed food on our menu for centuries to come. You wouldn't get this kind of guarantee from any other fast food company on the planet.

Ingredients: Meat-Product: Beef, Pork, Chicken, Phosphoric Acid, Asbestos, Sodium Hypochlorite, Salt; Bread-Product: Enriched Bleached Wheat Flour, Yeast, Seseame Seed, High Fructose Corn Syrup, Heroin, Dextrose, Ascorbic Acid; Orange Cheese-Product: Spoiled Milk, Cream, Vaseline, Sodium Citrate, Salt, Fluoride, Soy Lecithin, Unnatural Flavoring, Propionic Acid; Lettuce, Red Onion, Red Bell Pepper, Orange Bell Pepper, Arsenic, Yellow Bell Pepper, Lead, Tomato, Pickle, +99 More.