Price: $45.99 each

Description: A perfectly normal hotdog, with perfectly normal condiments. Really. Completely normal condiments, on a bun that can definitely be considered 'bread', with a hotdog that is mildly lukewarm at best. Why? At Quinton's, we ask questions but we never answer them. So you shouldn't even bother trying. No, seriously. Because we're going to have to punt you out the front window if you ask too many questions. Every customer at Quinton's gets a question quota of exactly zero. So you take it or leave it. You just better hurry up and make up your mind because this dog ain't getting any warmer.

Ingredients: Meat-Product: Rhino, Beef, Raccoon, Maltose, Nitrous Oxide, Rhodoxanthin, Xanthan Gum; Molybdenum, Bread-Product: Enriched Bleached Wheat Flour, Yeast, High Fructose Corn Syrup, Lactose, Dextrose, Battery Acid, Monopotassium Glutamate; Ketchup-Product: Tomato, Tomato Puree, Corn Syrup, Acetone, Vinnegar, Radon, Monostarch Phosphate; Pickles, Lactic Acid, Ammonium Hydroxide, +99 More.

Price: $62.99 each

Description: Just like the perfectly normal hotdog, except it's spicy. Really, spicy. Like, really, really spicy. We're talking extreme levels of pure spice. Spiciness galore. Spicier than literal fire. Spicy levels over nine thousand. Spicier than the word itself. So spicy in fact this hotdog makes nuclear bombs look like child's play, like literal life-threatening levels of spice. Spice that will make you literally explo- So yeah, it's spicy. You really better know what you're in for, because the Quinton's Spicy Dog challenge doesn't mess around, sport. It's going to hold you fully accountable, something we know absolutely nothing about.

Ingredients: Meat-Product: Kangeroo, Beef, Rat, Goose, Borax, Magnesium Carbonate, Xanthan Gum; Bread-Product: Enriched Bleached Wheat Flour, Yeast, High Fructose Corn Syrup, Lactose, Magnesium Oxide, Alcohol, Monoammounium Glutamate; Lettuce, Plant Matter, Ketchup-Product: Tomato, Tomato Puree, Corn Syrup, Acetone, Vinnegar, Radon, Monostarch Phosphate; Mustard-Product: Unground Mustard Seed, Soured Orange Juice, Bromine, Ethanol, Lysine, Potassium Chloride, Petroleum; Sweet Oninon, Pickles, Gasoline, Natamycin, Potassium Lactate, Sulfuric Acid, +99 More.

Price: $78.49 each

Description: A hotdog with so many condiments it resembles a salad more than an actual hotdog. Which isn't actually hot, by the way. It's actually mildly lukewarm. Just so we're clear. They're kept in the freezer and thaw out on the counter before being served. Advertised as hot but turns out to only be slightly lukewarm on days it actually tries, just like someone else we know. Oh and all of the condiments are in varying stages of rot. Except the lettuce, it's always rotten. Bugs sold separately.

Ingredients: Meat-Product: Giraffe, Beef, Ostrich, Duck, Butane, Calcium Chloride, Xanthan Gum; Bread-Product: Enriched Bleached Wheat Flour, Yeast, High Fructose Corn Syrup, Lactose, Magnesium Oxide, Fluoride, Monosodium Glutamate; Lettuce, Tomato, Red Onion, Pickles, Olives, Ketchup-Product: Tomato, Tomato Puree, Corn Syrup, Pyridoxine Hydrochloride, Norbixin, Vinnegar, Radon, Monostarch Phosphate; Mustard-Product: Unground Mustard Seed, Soured Orange Juice, Soy Lecithin, Vaseline, Sodium Citrate, Potassium Chloride, Propionic Acid; Nordihydroguaiaretic Acid, Lead, Titanium Dioxide, +99 More.